Day 9. What I didn’t see and suppressed

Day 9. What I didn’t see and suppressed

 

Recently I was talking to someone who confronted me with my anger. First I tried to deny my anger, because I did not like this person confronting me with my emotional state and repeatedly asked me the question: “what’s going on”, then I told her I was worrying about my teeth. At that time the tears came, tears of relief that I could open up this point and investigate and herein I was confronted with fear, fear that I’m too late, fear that I let languish what now could be irreversible to my teeth.

Last year I have had problems with my teeth, in the sense that my gums were inflamed, or irritated. I do rinse regularly with bicarbonate of soda/coconut oil, and sometimes that seems to do the trick while sometimes it’s not doing anything at all. I also have a spot in my jaw, where a long ago, a crown is placed which always gives a rather nagging feeling when I brush or floss it. I recently visited a dentist who removed tartar, but my gums doesn’t seem to improve by it. Once I read  that bad teeth/gums can be a source for cancer, because in that way bacteria can enter the bloodstream. And that part of my body was not examined during the cancer screening. So I contacted another (holistic) dentist (I have more confidence in) and presented my problem, I am now waiting for an answer.

Here is the  self-forgiveness for suppressing my emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with others without realizing why I am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my anger towards the other, which gives me still a moment to linger in my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to linger in my anger from a point of not wanting to share my anger with the other, because I don’t want to explore what’s underneath the anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to investigate what is hidden beneath the anger, because then I will be faced with my behavior of suppressing my emotions/fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see/understand/realize that I know what the state of my teeth is and I know as well that I am suppressing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not wanting to think about the state of my teeth/gums because the only option is that I will have to go to another dentist and that will cost more money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not taking enough care of my teeth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that it’s too late for me, overdue maintenance will be fatal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my diet seems to be for nothing, because I have ragged my teeth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I spend all this money on my well-being, while missing out the teeth point, which may boycott  my health.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the health of another is more important than my own.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my life is worth less than that of another.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my children/husband should be given as much as money as needed, without considering myself.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that all life costs money, we have created this  money system = life, and we as mankind can change this as well.

When and as I see myself getting angry for no apparent reason and what I cannot explain in the moment, I stop and breathe. I realize that I suppress my emotions/fears and I’m afraid to investigate them and forgive.

And so, I commit myself to see what this anger is about and open up the point through writing.

When and as I see myself  fearing/resisting to spend money on my health, I stop and breathe. I realize that my life is worth as much as that of another, we are all one and the same. And so, I commit myself to spend money on my own health and well-being without feeling guilty about it.dag9

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Marjo

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