One of the most supportive realizations I have found as guideline that is given to me by others while walking this process, is within the words ‘it’s a decision’. Because this is showing that I can decide to live something instead of me ‘waiting for something to feel or happen or understand’, or whatever I am waiting for. It’s an active direction from myself and if I keep on walking and applying myself, there will come a moment where I bring myself to this point of decision-making.
What I have found here is that there is a process before and towards this moment of this decision-making. I have to come to a certain understanding and to clear myself from ideas, related emotions and feelings and I often first need to walk through some physical consequenses to bring the point here within forgiveness/understanding, from where I at a certain moment stand up within the will and ability as a decision to stop the following of a certain program.
I have seen and walked this process for example in some points of physical discomforts. Not so long ago I became very tired, exhausted. I had a turbulent period from more than six months, after this there were changes with additional responsibility again and I noticed physical aspects that I needed to support within myself and this is what I started with. I supported my intestine with some products to strengthen the mucus-barrier, I supplied some basic-mineral nutriënts and I started with the Co enzym Q10 to support within the process of the production of physical energy. During some weeks, I only focussed on the most important area’s in my life at that moment, I went to bed earlier to rest and to relax and enjoy with a book for example, made some changes within my food-scedule and supported myself to keep on going through the days, slowly, step by step, as I knew that it was something that I needed to walk through. I have experienced and manifested quite some periods within my life where I was within a state of exhaustion, where I more than once needed to stay home. I now (and also earlier during walking the Desteni I Process) saw myself able to move on slowly and able to not allow myself to stay home from work for example (which ofcourse I would have done if this would be really necessary) to not step in a program again.
After a while I noticed that my body was busy rebalancing and I became experiencing myself less ‘on the edge of tiredness’. However I still had the experience of exhaustion within myself. I experience this as if every step, every move, every task is an effort that I look up to as towards a mountain and I dragged and needed to push myself through. I also noticed that ‘there was something’ with this experience. It did not completely make sense with regards to my physical state, as for example I noticed that I could suddenly run and take a sprint to catch a bus and that I actually liked to do this, it felt physically good. But I looked up towards doing things – towards almost everything – on forehand.
After this sprinting to catch the bus, I was at home and within myself I noticed a very small movement. And this movement I recognized as the decision to ‘move on’ and not keep hanging within exhaustion. And from here it went better and in a few days, the experiencing of ‘every move and task being an effort’ went away.
I have had the same ‘movement’ as decision with regards to symptoms of having a could within myself two years ago, where a headache kept on hanging as if a bacteria kept on busy within my body until I decided to stop ‘longing for being ill to take a break, as an excuse to do nothing’. And very lately I also noticed my instable blood-sugar level stabilizing within myself after making the decision that it was not needed anymore. I still need to eat on time (which gives more meals than the ‘normal’ three times a day) but with doing so it is regulating while for about 6-8 weeks, it was as if I kept having low-bloodsugar levels even after having food. (This does not say anything about for example a physical state of diabetic where other, physical aspects are involved that need to be supported physically throughout someone’s live – related blogs are to be found here). So I see a physical aspect and a mind-aspect involved within the physical states and conditions to walk through and stabilize within.
I still need to ‘take it slow’ and support myself a lot physically, as I have to take my physical condition and constitution into consideration and I keep on focussing on the basic-aspects within my live. I am not dragging myself through the day anymore although I do notice this ‘looking up to do things’ as for example with cleaning the house still existing within me so it stays as a point of attention and for further investigation. But I somewhere, very silently within myself, almost as a sight, made this decision to stop participating in this experience of being exhausted all the time. And everytime I make such decision, I notice it is in one moment, very small and silent, almost not noticable but still I am very aware of it and the effect is clear within myself.
In the most challenging times, I know that I need to keep on walking and to not give up, as a ‘walking through’ without in that moment, knowing exactly and directly what I am walking through and this is where in I see my self-trust, in this slowly keeping on walking and not giving up. These processes to walk through, I find them most challenging and at the same time, I experience these decisions and the effect when I have made them, as greatest gifts.
This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.